Solution-Focused Counseling

Many couples break up before ever reaching a relationship counselor to help

them deal with their painful and problematic relationships. 

 

If you are currently struggling to resolve disputes and one or both of you has expressed a fear that the relationship may have to end, consider being assessed by an online relationship counselor before you decide to pack your suitcase. It is your counselor’s job to be a constructive, neutral force in your life, guiding you through your incompatibilities and providing you with a safe, private environment in which to express your feelings. 

 

In the vast majority of cases, online relationship counseling results in a deeper, more compassionate bond between the two members of a couple, equipping them with valuable skills required to manage conflict and develop empathy effectively. Read on to learn about how an online relationship counselor might be able to save you and your partner from the most common causes of breakups.

 

Communication problems:

 

Although most relationships begin with couples enjoying intense, constant communication and experiencing a strong sense of closeness, this often wanes as the years progress. If you realize that you have poor communication skills but lack the will power to change it, this is a sign that you are dangerously apathetic towards your relationship and may be an indicator that your relationship is beyond saving. However, if you want to improve your communication, this desire for positive change is a good sign that your relationship can be salvaged. Years of bad communication can deaden feelings of attraction (and eventually feelings of love), but Minister On Call is an expert on the subject of interpersonal communication. If you explain your problems to your online counselor, you can be steered toward new techniques that will foster honest, forthright communication and will encourage you to engage with each other on a deeper and more emotionally intimate level.

 

Disagreements about future commitments:

 

Serious relationships necessarily involve tough decisions about a wide range of topics. For example, you might clash over your opposing views on where to live, when to live together, whether to have children, or whether to get married. Although these disagreements can destroy a  relationship, an online counselor will know how to help logically and systematically examine all of the pros and cons of each option that is on the table. Also, you will be challenged to explain why you hold your views, which may help to encourage you to modify your respective stances and reach a consensus. Your online counselor will patiently examine the contentious issues until all of the background beliefs and fears become apparent, and all facets of your disagreement will be explored enabling you to reach a better understanding of your partner’s position.

 

Lack of equality:

 

When you and your partner are not equaled in some meaningful sense, this can sometimes create an undercurrent of resentment and fosters low self-esteem (which can eventually lead to a breakup if not adequately addressed). Perhaps you are with someone who is more gregarious and outgoing, or perhaps your partner’s career is further along than your own. An important fact about equality problems is that they can create negative feelings on both sides. For example, if you feel that you always come second to your partner’s job, you are likely to feel insulted and insecure. However, if your career is significant to you, then you may simply think that your partner is needy and demanding when they raise objections suggesting that they want or need more of your time. Carefully and critically evaluating your multiple priorities in the context of online relationship counseling promotes better understanding, and it can help you adjust your actions to reach a compromise.

 

The complicated aftermath of an affair:

 

Infidelity is another of the most common reasons for a breakup, as profound interpersonal problems often result from this particular breach of trust. If your partner has cheated on you and you have nonetheless decided to try to make the relationship work, you are highly likely to feel that your partner has forfeited the right to decide when (or indeed if) you can move past the pain of their affair. You may also suffer from low self-esteem, feeling both foolish and unattractive. On the other hand, if you have cheated and you see it as an isolated incident for which you have sincerely apologized, you might wonder why your partner continues to ‘punish’ you for your mistake when you do want to move on and be completely monogamous. An online relationship counselor will try to get to the root of why the infidelity occurred in the first place, and provide each of you with the opportunity to share all of your feelings about the betrayal (with a view to show you how the situation looks from the other person’s perspective). When the biggest problem in a relationship is an instance of infidelity, the primary goal of your online counselor will be to allow you to discuss it in privacy and so much depth that you may feel ready to leave the affair in the past genuinely.

 

Destructive arguments:

 

When a relationship involves regular, bitter arguments, one or both parties will eventually decide that they can no longer tolerate the intense anger and unhappiness. If you recognize that you are arguing in circles or locked in a stalemate, looking to an online counselor for help may be able to free you from this unproductive pattern of arguing. In the context of online relationship counseling, you will be asked to look at the deeper issues that cause your fights, and you will be helped to deal with conflict more healthily and honestly. Individuals who choose online counseling tend to report that they have learned how to listen effectively and say that their disagreements are both less frequent and less volatile.

 

Sexual problems:

 

Your sexual relationship is bound to change as your life together evolves,  and not all of these changes will be positive. When you started dating, you might have wanted to sleep together all the time, but perhaps now you find that you have incompatible sex drives,  different sexual interests, or no sex life at all. Although most couples acknowledge that sex is far from the most important thing in a  partnership, it is nonetheless one of the major causes of breakups. Instead of ignoring the problems in your sex life or allowing them to drive a wedge between you, it makes sense to seek the help of a professional.  Relationship counselors are qualified to investigate and discuss the complex issues that arise in connection with sex, and a counselor may be able to help you and your partner overcome the incompatibilities that are interfering with your physical intimacy. There are often underlying issues that prevent a  couple from wanting to have sex or wanting to experiment with new sexual experiences, and counseling is an excellent way to get to the heart of these deeper issues.

 

 

Each of these problems and so many more, cause or contributes to a huge number of breakups. However, relationship counselors are taught how to tackle each of these problems and are trained to help you to prevent them from leading to an unnecessary split. You will find that the highly personal, private discussions with a trained counselor can help to promote trust, honesty, and fairness in relationships.

 

Relationship Counseling